Sunday, July 6, 2008
revelation
I feel that sometimes we live life with rose colored glasses that disable us from feeling the pain we know is so evident. I am guilty of that. I see now that in many ways I lived in a parallel universe to what was reality with my family. I thought we were all so close. But we were not. I learned of some very disturbing information today which my aunt told me. My mother confided in her about some very terrible things and had sworn her to secrecy. But now with my mother dead, she was able to talk to me and confide now in me what has weighed her soul for so long. I now know for fact that my father did not genuinely love my mom and resented her for her disability. My daughter is 8. When I told her grandma had died, she started crying and said, "I wasn't done playing with her yet!". I miss my mom.
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1 comment:
(((hugs)))
I am very guilty of putting on the rose colored glasses as a way to cope. It is one of my defense mechanisms, because there are so many situations in my life where I needed to try to find any good just to make it through.
When my dad's mother died, the family get togethers ended.
When my mom died - well, I haven't spoken to my brothers and sister in over a year to two years. we all hung on just for her.
I understand what your daughter was saying about not being done playing yet. It is very difficult for me, a woman in her very early thirties, to be without my mother. It has been hard going through the custody battle without her, meeting and actually falling in love without her ever knowing him. So many things.
You are in my thoughts today.
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